he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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