You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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