Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
