sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
