We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
