There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
