Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
