around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
