He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
