dude i'm inner monologue high
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'm at about main and main street
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
