i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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