i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
