i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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