We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
It's never too late to be topless.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
