So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
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blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
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I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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