if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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