great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
i now understand why vodka
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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