I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
