I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
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