I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
