Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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