We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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