Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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