He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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