paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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