Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
