I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Are we still banned from the library?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
