just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
