If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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