So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
