I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
