she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
