She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Drake has all the answers
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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