I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
