Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
