My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
