Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I need to stop coming to work sober
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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