so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
