you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
