yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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