So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
