What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
