I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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