Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
