i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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