I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
