i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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