It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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