If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Couch. On fire.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
