He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
cat food counts as protein by the way
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
