Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
