i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
