I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
