It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
