I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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