I faked an abortion last night.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
