Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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