Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
