Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
