She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
