She announced her abortion via fbk
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
