Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
