I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
