My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
