Sry I called you an 8
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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