this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
