i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
