Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Someone came in the potted fern
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Never let your siblings swipe right.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
