Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
