Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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