I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
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I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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