I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
