Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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