Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I just want nice things and good sex
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
