I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize